The Birth Order Bugaboo

Birth order is defined as your rank among your siblings: firstborn, middle-born or youngest (also only child or twin, but we won’t discuss those here). Everyone has a birth order, and research indicates that it’s the No. 1 influence on personality – even more than gender or race. We all know about the “bossy big brothers” and “spoiled little sisters.” But is there really anything to it? I think my younger brothers would say yes!

The importance of birth order has been known—or at least suspected—for thousands of years. But as time goes by, there is more and more evidence of its impact. Studies have shown that firstborns are generally smarter than younger siblings, with an average three-point IQ advantage over the next-born. The second child, in turn, is a point ahead of the third. Although three points might not seem like much, the effect can be enormous. Just 2.3 IQ points can mean a 15-point difference in SAT scores, which makes an even bigger difference when you’re trying to get into an Ivy League school, and have a 690 verbal score going up against someone with a 705. In many families, that means the firstborn is going to get into Harvard and the second-born isn’t.

The firstborn also gets more time and attention and the emotional nourishment they provide. Family scrapbooks are usually stuffed with their pictures and report cards, and not so many of the later-borns— and the later-borns notice it. College opportunities can be unevenly shared too, especially if a family can only afford tuition for one child. And as the pampering by parents produces a fitter, smarter, more confident firstborn, Mom and Dad are likely to invest even more in that child. And it works.

Firstborns thrive. A recent survey by Vistage reported that 43 percent of CEOs are firstborns, 33 percent are middle-borns and 23 percent are last-borns. Eldest siblings are disproportionately represented among surgeons and MBAs too, according to Stanford University psychologist Robert Zajonc, and there is an overload of firstborns in the U.S. Congress. “We know that birth order determines occupational prestige to a large extent,” Zajonc says. “There is some expectation that firstborns are somehow better qualified for certain occupations.”

Quick Points
• Orderly and organized
• Bossy and dominant
• Most conscientious
• Being right often important.
• Sometime strives to protect and help others.
• Strives to please.
• Older brothers of brothers are the most take-charge people, often macho, dynamic and leaders. Older brothers of sisters are comfortable in the company of women.
• Older sisters of brothers tend to be bossy, confident and aggressive; older sisters of sisters usually like to be in control (as do most firstborns).

Some studies show that later-born siblings tend to be shorter and weigh less than firstborns. This may not seem too important, but do you think the slight advantage the 6-foot, 5-inch Peyton Manning has over younger brother 6-foot 4-inch Eli doesn’t help when he’s trying to throw over the outstretched arms of a leaping lineman? Younger siblings are less likely to be vaccinated, especially in lower-income homes, with last-borns getting immunized sometimes at only half the rate of firstborns.
Eldest siblings are also disproportionately represented in high-paying professions. Youngest siblings tend to be less educated, but likelier to live the less-structured life of an artist or a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur or firefighter.

Younger siblings see things differently and struggle early on to shake up the existing order. They clearly don’t have size on their side, but there are low-power strategies, and one of the most effective is humor. Every family seems to have a story of a youngest child who is a clown, able to get their way by being funny or outrageous. Some of history’s great satirists—Voltaire, Jonathan Swift, Mark Twain—were among the youngest members of large families.

And while firstborns tend to be especially conscientious—a sense of general responsibility and follow-through—younger sibs tend to be more agreeable, able to get along in the world. But although they try to please people, they also try to provoke them, and have been counted in higher numbers in picket lines, choosing to be arrested. Later-borns also are more willing to take safety risks, such as participating in sports that could cause injury, say rugby instead of tennis.

Income has been shown to drop about 1 percent for every step down the birth-order ladder. This could be because of the higher education eldest siblings get, but it also might be because younger sibs are taking riskier jobs. Research at New York University shows that even when laterborns take conservative jobs in the corporate world, they approach their work in a high-wire way. Firstborn CEOs, for example, do best when they make incremental improvements, such as dropping underperforming products and generally making sure the trains run on time. Laterborn CEOs are more inclined to blow up the trains and lay new track. They pursue riskier, more innovative, more creative approaches.

Quick Points
• Funny, personable, friendly and easygoing
• Creative and observant
• More diverse interests, takes more risks
• More liberal
• Feels every one bigger and more capable
• Expects others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility
• Becomes boss of family in getting service and own way
• Develops feelings of inferiority
• If youngest of three, often allies with oldest child against middle child.

If eldest sibs are the dogged achievers and youngest sibs are the gamblers and visionaries, where does this leave those in between? It’s so hard to define who they are growing up. They are the youngest, but only until someone else comes along; student and teacher; babysat and babysitter; too young for the privileges of the firstborn but too old for the freedoms given the last.

Middles who hope to stand out in a family often do so by observing what the elder child does and doing the opposite. If the firstborn gets good grades and takes a job after school, the second-born may go the slacker route. The third-born may then de-de-identify, opting for industriousness, even if in the more unconventional ways of the last-born. In a three-child family, the very act of trying to be unique may instead leave the middle child lost, a pattern that could continue into adulthood.

Quick Points
• Good negotiator
• Unafraid of authority
• Both younger and older sibling
• Never has parents’ undivided attention
• If first child is “good,” second may become “bad.”
• Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
• Feels unloved, left out, “squeezed.”
• Becomes discouraged and “problem child” or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.
• Is adaptable.

But, for all that…
The whole birth-order theory, though, is not indestructible. There’s a lot that can throw it out of balance. The number of siblings in a family can trump birth order, say if there are only two, or if there are fourteen! And to achieve any kind of statistical significance, researchers need to assemble large samples of families and look for patterns. But families are all very different—distinguished by size, income, hometown, education, religion, ethnicity and more. When you throw enough random factors in, the results may be nothing more than interesting junk.

Ultimately, the birth-order debate may be just that – a debate. Family studies and statistics are cold and precise. But families aren’t. They are full of competing needs, moods and emotions, better understood by the people in the thick of them than by anyone standing outside. So although centuries of families would swear by the power of birth order to shape the adults we eventually become, science may yet overturn the whole theory. But for now, the smart money says otherwise.

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