Gary Pinkel – Coaching as a Father, Winning as a Team

To most in the sports world, Gary Pinkel is somewhat of an enigma. For four months every year, he’s seen along the sidelines of a Missouri football game, or in front of the cameras for postgame interviews. It seems he rarely smiles, that he’s all business. Occasionally, he’s seen at a local coffee shop or riding his Harley Davidson to escape the rigors of being a head coach.

Pinkel isn’t the prototypical boisterous, animated coach. The perception by many is that he’s a bit on the shy side, almost introverted. Those close to him, however, know him as congenial, compassionate and caring. He is a serious family man to his wife, three children and grandchildren; he’s also a father figure to 125 young men who comprise the University of Missouri Tiger football team.

His team shares his conviction to win, adopting the word “sacrifice” as a motivation to win. Pinkel noted in a recent interview that it’s difficult to describe what it’s like knowing that 12 four-hour periods control his coaching destiny.

It’s daunting to think that what he does each week will impact the lives of the student-athletes for a lifetime.

But it is about winning. And developing young men. One does not come without the other, Pinkel believes.

The most iconic win in Gary Pinkel’s career was last year’s 36-28 win over Kansas at Arrowhead Stadium to give MU the Big 12 North crown.

“It was like a national championship,” Pinkel said recently during an interview. “It was beyond description. It could not have been bigger than that.”

It was a win that definitely impacted his career; yet a disease that crippled both of Pinkel’s siblings — sparing him — had the most profound impact on his life.
Hereditary spastic paraplegia (HSP), the disease of siblings Kathy and Greg, is characterized by progressive weakness and stiffness of the legs. Complications from the ravaging disease led to Greg’s death several years ago.

It was emotionally difficult, and Pinkel struggled with being given different opportunities. Pinkel remembers people staring at his handicapped sister oblivious to the emotional pain they were causing her and her family. He recalls staring back at the insensitiveness of others in a futile attempt to protect his sister. Through it all, his sister has been an inspiration teaching Pinkel that recruiting players is more like recruiting a family member. She earned a college degree, has a family and doesn’t complain about her disability.

“My sister never had an excuse,” he said.

Behind Pinkel’s desk is a wall of mementoes, honors, accolades and reminders of how he has developed one of the most respected teams in the country. Two words embody his approach on and off the field, and are a reminder of his past: No Excuses.

“I’ve always been one to be understanding of others,” Pinkel said. “My mom always said to be respectful of other people. There is always something more than playing a game. It isn’t always about ‘me.’ I tell my players that.”

Pinkel is a mentor to his players, and most of what he learned about life’s lessons came from his parents.

“I had a remarkable mother,” he said. “She taught me about life. She was always a values person, you know, the Golden Rule, treat everyone how you want to be treated. She always told us that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut. I live by that. I try to be very respectful of every single person I meet. There’s no question that carries on into coaching and the players.”

The compassion for his players can be found in his success. Yet, his compassion runs far deeper than the Missouri football team. Lyrics from a song by Boston reflect the depth of his persona:

“What does it take to be a man?
The will to give and not receive
The strength to say what you believe
The heart to feel what others feel inside
To see what they can see.”

Gary Pinkel’s accomplishments as a football player and as a coach are well chronicled. His profile and accompanying statistics tell his professional life.

“My job is winning ball games and ultimately about developing kids,” he explained. “That’s probably more important, developing kids, but you have to win games to develop kids.”

Anyone close to Pinkel knows his love for his family, staff and friends. He changed the football department’s schedule so his coaches can get home every night for dinner “and so they can kiss their children goodnight.”

His coaches appreciate that. He hasn’t lost a coach in eight years. “I think that’s one of the main ingredients why we’re successful. There’s certainly some security here. One of the main components is that they embrace our philosophy of the importance of family,” the coach said. It was different when he was a coach at the University of Washington. Often, coaches worked until 10 and 11 at night.

“When I was in Washington, I never saw my kids during the season. I changed the schedule here for that reason. I would like to think, and that my coaches agree, that it’s a very family oriented design of how we do things here. We can put time into being successful, being good at what we do, but we also put time in with our families which is very important.”

He lives by that philosophy. On any given day, he will search out his grandchildren for a hug.

“Oh, I run my granddaughters down. Like today I found out where they were having lunch and ran over there. Or, I’ll text them and they’ll be at the grocery store and I’ll go. I’ll just throw them around, rile them up, leave them for my daughters to deal with. It’s good for you to be connected to your family like that.”

Has being a father made Pinkel a better coach?

“I’m probably a better father than I am a coach,” he said, “because I pretty much treat my players like I treat my kids. I opened up a bit a few years ago  personality-wise telling parents of recruits and players that as head coach I’ll treat their sons like I treat my children: You care about your kids, you discipline your kids, you love your kids, and I apply those same principles to my players.”

Pinkel has built a football program at Missouri from the ashes of the cellar. En route to that success has been an emphasis on fundamental philosophies of life given him by his mom and dad, a family situation many of his players do not have today.

Pinkel says he can separate his personal life from his professional life, “but sometimes I don’t do a very good job at it. All of my friends, and I have a great group of friends, they know my focus is different during football season. I have a tendency not to listen as well as I should, and I get reminded of that by my wife,” he laughed. “It’s much different in the summer.” Pinkel has coffee every day at Lakota’s (Coffee Company) in downtown Columbia with a group of friends.

“They’re respectful of keeping my professional and personal lives separate. Besides, most don’t know anything about football,” he laughed.

His coffee klatch includes a doctor, contractor, commercial real estate agent, a bank vice president, teachers, professionals and a 90 year old named Harry Smith, a former coach.

“They’re really great people. And I have a great group of friends who fly in to games. I’m not good at very many things, but I’m good at judging people. That’s probably the only gift that I have,” he said modestly.

His passion for his family and his friends spills onto the football field as well.

“I use this term all the time with my coaches: Don’t expect your players to passionately care about Missouri football if you don’t passionately care about them. If you don’t give to the players, there will be a disconnect. So, what you have to do is learn to give and learn to communicate.”

Pinkel says his staff spends time communicating and building relationships.

“You try to get ownership from the players,” he continued. “I’ve been doing this for 30 years and kids change. I’ve changed. Kids are a lot different today. To be successful, you have to get involvement from the players. How do you do that with kids? You give them ownership. Now, kids are more analytical, trying to figure things out.”

As one would with a teenager today, Pinkel and his staff encourage input from the players, to earn their trust and support.

“We have some potential NFL players in our senior class,” Pinkel said, “but they’re out there making sure everyone on the team is focused. They’re part of solving the problem. It gets back to ownership, that it’s not about them, but that it’s their team, our team, not Coach Pinkel’s team.”

That concept appears to be working. Pinkel says he gets feedback “all the time” that Missouri players are among the most respectful teams in the country when traveling to other schools.

“We get that a lot,” he said. “Our whole football team does community service for six weeks in the spring. Every single player does. Some do it more than that. It’s part of what we do. The receivers might go with the offensive line, and so forth. They’re working together, but they’re also giving back.

“I always tell parents we’re going to care about their kids. When I lay my head on the pillow each night, I know we do the right things for our kids. We care about our players; we do things the right way around here. I feel good about that.”

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